


13 Reasons Why (Teen Wolf Edition)

by hereallylikednewt



Category: Teen Wolf (TV)
Genre: <---but she did something real bad to him, <---but that's shits sad, How Do I Tag, I Can't Believe I Wrote This, Malia Tate Loves Stiles Stilinski, Malia Tate central, Minor Derek Hale/Stiles Stilinski, Minor Lydia Martin/Stiles Stilinski, Scott McCall & Malia Tate Friendship, Scott McCall & Stiles Stilinski Friendship, Stiles Stilinski Dies, Stiles Stilinski Loves Malia Tate, Stiles Stilinski central, Stiles Stilinski loved Malia Tate, Suicide, lydia is a bit of bitch, sad topics, this is very stiles/malia okay, triggering
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-04-11
Updated: 2017-04-11
Packaged: 2018-10-17 18:29:23
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 15
Words: 17,657
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10599687
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/hereallylikednewt/pseuds/hereallylikednewt
Summary: On the eve of finishing Senior Year, Stiles Stilinski commits suicide, leaving his loved ones in limbo, none of them sure why he did what he did. One day, Malia Tate comes home from school to find a box of tapes on her front door step, messages from Stiles, her first love and she is listed as one of the reasons behind his suicide. (Based on Netflix show, 13 reasons why, I read the book years ago, so it is more based on the show)





	1. Finding Out

**Author's Note:**

  * For [the anon who suggested the idea](https://archiveofourown.org/gifts?recipient=the+anon+who+suggested+the+idea).



> This is triggering, so please do not read if suicide is a triggering topic for you. Please do get help, this world would be a dark place without you.

The day Stiles Stilinski died was a day everyone remembered. Not only the people who loved and cared for him, but also for the whole town, his school, the people who smiled at him on a street corner. People who had seen him, but not seen through the mask he was wearing, maybe if one person had noticed, he wouldn’t have done it.

 

_He wouldn’t have ended his own life._

 

Malia Tate was lying in her bed, awake. Thinking about her future, if she should retake Senior Year or not go onto college. She repeated all her opinions, not knowing which one to go for. When she had planned three hundred different ideas, her phone rang; she turned pulling if from the socket it was charging in, “Hey Scott,” she spoke joyfully, “You still awake?”

 

Her stomach turned, when her friend spoke in hesitant sobs, _“Malia---he’s gone,”_ were the only words she could focus on at the time, her heart stopped and she half screamed out into the darkness of her room, she brushed back her fringe with her palm, clenching her hair with her fingers as grief and agony burst through her veins, causing her a great deal of both emotional and physical pain. _“Malia?”_

  
“I’m coming---I’m coming.” She choked out, “Give me a few seconds,” she hung up, all her thoughts turning towards Stiles. Her life with him, her love that she had given to him, all those times played like film reel in her mind, flashes of memories, now turned sour by one phone call.

 

She clambered out her bedroom window, running across the wet glass of her front garden; she bolted down the hill, ignoring the sharp pains on her bare feet from the pavement below. She could hear the sirens of the police cars and ambulances before she even got to Stiles’s road; she could also smell the grief coming of all her friends who had reached the sight before her.

 

She finally arrived outside a house she had spent so much time in. Police tape surrounded the house, keeping all her friends isolated inside. She saw Derek stood with Isaac Lahey; the boy had only been back in Beacon Hills along with Jackson Whittemore for three months, but now he was faced with the death of his friend. Jackson was stood close by, holding a sobbing Lydia Martin in his arms, if Malia wasn’t so caught up in her pain; she would roll her eyes at her friend, _or ex friend._ Cora was stood behind Derek, looking away, chewing her nails, as if she was nervous. Mason, Hayden and Liam were there too, everyone was. Malia was the last to arrive.

  
“Malia!” Scott’s broken voice called, she turned to see him hovering his frame in the doorframe to Stiles’s house, he was in his pyjamas, like all of them were. This had all happened so suddenly, with no warning, well no warning they noticed. Scott jumped down the steps, “Let her through Parrish!” He cried, the tape was lifted and Malia darted through, crashing into Scott’s arms, “I got you.”

 

“What happened?!” She screamed, “Why’d he do it?”

 

“I don’t know,” Scott whispered, “I don’t----I don’t know.” He wailed into her shoulder, as she nestled her face on his, they held on, as they emptied their hearts out.

 

As they all stood in front of the house that was once home to Stiles Stilinski, but was now the place he died, the place he had turned to suicide, they also mourned and all wondered why, that’s always the biggest question in a case like this. Why? But, none of them knew that the worst was still yet to come.

 


	2. Unexpected Delivery

**Unexpected delivery**

**3 weeks later**

Malia Tate finished school on hour early, she had dropped ‘music,’ after Stiles’s untimely death, it had been their subject; he played the piano professionally and well, she had been learning to play the guitar, but his death had stopped her in her tracks. Giving it up, seemed easier then walking into the class and facing all her peers, who would tell her everything was going to be okay. When it wasn’t. Stiles was dead. He wasn’t coming back.

 

As she walked up the steps to her house, her eyes locked on a cardboard box, it was long and on the front, in red pen, was her name. In fact it read _, ‘Malia ~~Hale~~ Tate,’ _ meaning it was from someone who knew her personally, but even though she was starting to allow Peter back into her life, she didn’t want to be a Hale, she always wanted to be a Tate. She picked the box up, placing it in-between her side and arm, as she placed her front door key in and stumbled into her house.

  
“Sweetheart, is that you?” Henry’s voice came from the dining room.

  
“Who else would it be, Dad?” Malia cross-questioned, he walked out into the corridor; he was holding a pile of folder, his glasses were perched on the end of his nose, he smiled at her, warmly.

 

“A burglar, maybe?” He asked.

  
“Who uses a key?” She quizzed, holding her keys up, “Come on Dad the only people to have a key for this place, is you, me and….,” she silenced, her Dad closed his eyes, knowing the pain was still raw, “well, Stiles had one, didn’t he?”

 

“I know honey,” Henry nodded, “how was school? Scott back yet.”

  
“No, I’ve heard he’s doing work at home though,” she placed her stuff down on the side, running over to help her Dad take his stuff into his office. “Come on, his best friend died in the same bathtub the pair used when they had bubble baths when they were four. It’s just taking its toll on him most, I guess.” She shrugged, “And as for Lydia and Jackson, part of me thinks they’re just skipping school for the sake of skipping school.”

 

“You sound angry…I thought Lydia was your best friend.”

  
“She is…she was. It’s just...you know,” she stumbled over her words, trying to take it all in, ignoring the numbing pain in her stomach.

 

“Complicated?”  Her Dad questioned.

  
“Yeah. Lydia missing school isn’t too bad though, she could sit the exams any day.” Malia turned her attention to the box on the side, her heart pounding to know what she would find inside. What truths or lies would be uncovered?

 

“What’s in the box?” Henry asked.

 

“School project,” she answered, walking over to it, opening the box, to reveal six individual cassette tapes, “I was not expecting that,” she muttered under her breath.

 

“So what’s the project?” Henry quizzed.

 

“It’s more of an extra school thing; we listen to these old songs on cassette tapes and review them for the end of school dance, it meant to be 1980s feel,” she explained. “I thought I’d do it, considering I’m not going.”

 

“Malia, you have to go,” her Dad spoke, gently and lovingly, “I know you guys lost Stiles, with the life you guys lead with the supernatural. It was bound to take a huge toll on one of you, it was unfortunate it was Stiles, but you lot still need to find a way to live again.”

 

“We will, Dad,” she smiled at him, falsely, “time heals all wounds, right?”

 

“I guess so,” he walked over to his desk; taking about an object, Malia couldn’t see it, until he advanced towards her holding it out, “It’s my old walkman, you need something to play the tapes on.” Malia took hold of it.

  
“Thanks Dad.”

 

“I’m always here baby, if you want to talk about things. I lost my first love too and well, I want to be helpful to you.” He told her, Malia jumped into his arms, lying down her head on his shoulder.

  
“You give the best hugs,” she smiled.

 

“You do too,” they separated.

 

“Better get on with this,” she said, “see you later Dad, for dinner.” She ran up the stairs, walking into her bedroom and sitting on her bed, crossing her legs. She took her phone out from her pocket.

 

**55 texts from Lydia**

**15 missed calls from Lydia**

**20 texts from Derek**

**2 missed calls from Peter**

Malia placed her finger on the side of her phone, shutting it down and tossing it aside. She hadn’t studied the tapes that much, but it wasn’t too long until she noticed the spine chilling truth about them; each number, written on the front, was Stiles’s handwriting, she’d know it anywhere.  He always preferred writing the word instead of the number; she knew that from maths class. Each one had a picture slide in the cover, cut to perfection.

  
Tape one, was a picture of Jackson and Lydia sat in the library, Malia remembered when they had it taken for the yearbook, she didn’t dare look at the rest of them. She had no idea what was going on, she opened the case, placing the first tape into the walkman and plugging in her headphones.

 

As she fingers shook around the device, she pressed play. For a few seconds there was silence, then his voice followed, in the tone he had always spoke with, _“Hi. It’s Stiles, Stiles Stilinski. Yeah, that one. The only one. If your…well, listening to this…then it means I did it, I actually ended up own life,”_ Malia paused the tape, as her emotions caught up with her shock.

 

“Oh my God,” she muttered, she looked down at the box, pouring the rest of the tapes onto the bed, a map also fell out, she placed it to her side. Each and every tape had a picture on the front, some with the whole pack; some had locations on the school grounds. She appeared on three tapes, one was a picture with Lydia, one with Stiles and one with the whole pack.  “Oh Stiles, what is this?” She asked the empty room, her voice shaking.

 

She braved it and clicked play once more, _“Weird, ‘cause right now, I’m alive and I’m telling you my story, or if we’re going to be truthful…the story of my death. I am sorry to say, that if you are listening to this, you are one of the reasons why…”_ Malia crushed the pause button with her thumb, casting the device to the fall as she bent down by her waste bin, throwing up; nausea ripped through her body, she fell back onto her backside, as her emotions tore through her.

 

She cupped her hand over her mouth to keep the sound from surfacing. What part had she played in the death of her first love? What had she done? What had others done? She looked at the Walkman on her bed, her bottom lip quivered; she picked up her bin, walking into her en-suite to empty the contents and brush her teeth, “You can do this Malia. It’s just the voice of the only human being you’ve ever been in love with. Stiles’s voice…the boy who killed himself less than a month ago,” she said, looking into the mirror, “Be brave.”

 

She walked out, placing her bin back on the floor and sitting back down, placing her ear plugs in and hitting play once more, bracing herself.

 

 _“….I will not tell you when or why your name appears, but if my instructions have been followed, then you should have received all six tapes, thirteen reasons and stories behind why I did, what I did. Now, listen, they’re rules here. I know some of you, would love to toss these in the bin and forget about it, before you do that, please understand that a second set of tapes have been made and someone I trust has them, who will not be afraid to publish them very publicly, not only revealing my suicide note, but also giving proof of the supernatural world. Second rule, listen. That’s all I ask, will you listen to the orders of a dead person? Just please, if you ever cared for me, listen. And finally, as soon as you are done, pass them onto the next person, who comes after you, see, easy peasy. In the box, you should have also been given a map, follow it, I have starred places you need to go, if you want to give this journey more context, or cast the map aside, this is all up to you.”_ Stiles’s tone wasn’t the tone of someone who sounded like he was going to end his own life, it was normal, slightly sarcastic, a voice Malia had fallen for. The way he planned the entire cassette tape idea, the map and the passing of them from person to person, worried Malia, actually it burnt like a fire in the pit of her stomach, to know his suicide wasn’t just a spur of the moment decision; he didn’t do it just because he had a bad day, he planned it and he had been hurting for such a long time.

None of them noticed. Not even _her_.

Malia pressed pause, reaching for her boots and placing on her denim jacket, she folded the map, placing it in her trouser pocket, she skipped down the stairs, “Hey Dad, Scott texted me, he wants me to drop off some school work!” She called.

“Be home by eleven, no later!” He shouted back, “I’ll leave your dinner in the microwave.”

“Thanks Dad.” She ran outside, opening her car door and sitting down, she placed her earplugs in, placing the walkman on her lap and she drew her seatbelt over her chest.

Once more, she pressed play.

 _“---Now, on with the beginning of the end; Jackson Whittemore, this one is for you,”_ Stiles’s voice spoke, as if he was just a voiceover for some audio book, he sounded too jumpy and too happy, to be a boy considering suicide, but Malia knew he had grown to use this voice as a façade, something that in the end, killed him. Part of her had already known Jackson would have been on the list, ever since she met him and what he had done in those three months, she knew he’d be on there.

It was time to find out why.


	3. Tape 1, Side A - Jackson Whittemore

**Tape 1, side A - Jackson Whittemore**

Malia Tate drove her car out onto a different road, just so her Dad didn’t think she had gone insane, then she clicked the tape back on, so Stiles could direct her to reconstruct his story.

 _“Jackson, you used to be the team captain of the Lacrosse team, well Co with my best friend. You had everything you ever wanted, but always wanted more. You gave up Lydia Martin just so you could find out Scott’s secret or to find power, that’s all you ever wanted, power. Makes you a lot like Peter Hale, doesn’t it?”_ Stiles’s tone changed, now it was filled with hatred, directed towards Jackson, _“You got bitten, you got what you wanted, but still, when you were cursed to be the Kanima, instead of blaming your own power complex, you blamed Lydia. Then you moved away, leaving Beacon Hills in your rear view mirror, I never did ask you, why you came back. And maybe, if you hadn’t, the pain I felt when I was around you wouldn’t have come back and then by chance, I’d still be alive today. But don’t worry; you’re not the only one on my list,”_ Stiles’s voice snapped.

“What did I do Stiles?” Malia asked, wiping the tears running down her face.

 _“Okay guys, time to take a journey to Beacon Hills Elementary School. That’s A6 on your maps, for people who have never been there before; most of us went there though.”_ Stiles ordered, Malia stopped the tape and proceeded to drive towards the elementary school, she parked on the road, walking onto the land, trying to blend in with the darkness. She clicked play once more, _“Now, around the back of the main playground, is a gathering of green waste bins, or what I like to call, ‘Jackson’s fight club,’ yes, Jackson. I remember. I was the skinny pale kid that looked after his best friend who had asthma and that made me a target; I was too caring to be one of the strong boys.”_ Malia approached the back, like Stiles said, there were six bins, all of them scattered around, they had been flung around by the strong winds. _“You never liked that, did you? You also hated the fact that I never fought back.  It started when I was six, you’d tell me if I didn’t come, then you’d hurt Scott and I couldn’t have that; he was easily hurt back then. So for four years, in elementary school, I was your own personal punching bag.”_

Malia could picture it, as bright as day.

Young Stiles, being pinned up to the brick wall by Jackson, him not screaming or shouting out, remaining silent as someone beat the shit out of him. Someone who kept ruining Stiles’s life, even in his young adulthood; Malia hated Jackson, she had since the day she met him, but now, she hated him even more.

 _“My Dad and the school, even Scott, begged me to report who it was, but I kept my mouth shut, to protect Scott!”_ Stiles’s voice was now full of emotion, Malia was sure he was crying, but he was also angry; she knew that he loved Scott more than anything, apart from his Dad, Scott had always come first.  “ _If you look behind the bins, the school wall has been covered in cream paint that doesn’t match the original white, you know why, Jackson? Because one day, you pushed me so hard, my head bounced off it and I was left unconscious, you went to lessons and didn’t even report it. In the end, it was Scott who found me. I spent two weeks in intensive care, then a further in hospital. The attack was so blutal that they blocked off an entire part of the playground, where the bins are, the kids can no longer even go around there. That’s how much of a threat you were.”_ Malia stopped the tape, walking over, bending down behind the bins, she could easily tell where the colours changed; it had worn away with time, her imagination wondered and her mind tricked her into thinking she could hear the cries of Scott after he found is best friend, almost dead behind the bins at Elementary school. When they were both so young. So innocent.

She carried on listening, _“It didn’t end there though.  You carried on throughout middle school, but you knew how to not leave bruises. You stopped one day, that day you meet Lydia Martin in high school. You stopped physical bullying, but your torments weren’t the best either. So yeah, eight years of being beaten up, that broke me. I questioned my importance in this world, if you were right and the only person who actually cared for me was Scott, but he had no idea what I did for him. Scott, as you too are on these tapes, know from deep within my heart, that this was not your doing. I just wanted to protect my best friend from harm.”_

“Why the hell is Scott on these tapes?” She questioned, “Stiles, what the hell are you doing…no…wait, why did you do this?” She was always confusing tenses, always saying ‘Stiles is,’ instead of ‘Stiles was,’ it hurt her to face that he was in fact, dead and was never coming back.

 _“Jackson, maybe, just maybe, you might think this is complete and utter bullshit, that it was years ago, but you left me with this pain and it is irreversible, you started it all, the chain of events, that led to my death. So you might have been thinking my suicide was all about the supernatural world being too much for me to handle, it wasn’t. This started with my human life, your bullying, my Mum’s death, everything combined together to give me the worst childhood, with only a few glimmers of light. Turn over for more.”_ The tape stopped, Jackson’s story was over, but his damage would always be part of what killed Stiles.

“Malia?” A bemused voice came from close by, she was still knelt on the ground, placing her palm on the cream paint, she snapped her teary eyes to see Mason, “What are you doing?”

She took out the earplugs, wrapping them around the walkman, “What about you?”

“I live opposite this school, I could hear you a mile off, I also saw you,” he smiled sadly, “You okay?”

“Just thinking,” she answered, standing up, “I’m fine.”

“Jackson’s fight club,” Mason muttered, “You must be ready for side two,” he backed up, walking away from her.

“Mason, wait!” Malia stumbled forward, but found her footing to run after him, but when she got out, he was already crossing the road to his house, “How do you play a part?”

 


	4. Tape 1, Side B – Lydia Martin

**Tape 1, Side B – Lydia Martin**

Malia Tate was so caught up in Mason knowing, that she chose not to play the second tape, until she was back in the comfort of her bedroom. Where she could put her pyjamas on and lie down in her bed, protected by the warmth of her duvet; she laid her head down, the feeling of nausea crashing through her like a head first car crash as she placed the ear plugs back in and hit play.

 _“Here’s a tough lesson for everyone listening. A crush is not a definition of true love. When I was eight years old, I met Lydia Martin. So, this one is for you Lyd, sit down, have a mayonnaise and cucumber sandwich, your favourite, because I’m going to tell you, how you played a part in my downfall. Let me repeat, a crush is not love; so having a crush on someone, doesn’t mean you fall in love with them, because let me tell you now, from experience, letting your crush fall for you, when you’ve had feelings for them for many more years, it doesn’t end well, it ends with heartbreak.”_ Stiles’s voice spoke, Malia knew exactly what he was talking about; his breakup from Lydia had been the news of the school, considering they had only dated a total of a month.

“Malia, I’m off to work! Have a good sleep sweetie!” Her Dad called through the door, Malia pressed pause.

“Night Dad, drive safe!” She shouted back, pressing play, pulling up the duvet around her structure.

 _“We stopped being lovey-dovey. We actually stopped talking for while, I gave you space. That’s when Isaac and Jackson came back to Beacon Hills, then you stepped back out into the light, but not with me. People knew we weren’t talking; Scott, Malia, my Dad and like me, no one had any idea why you stopped. Sometimes you’d phone me and talk for hours about your problems; I was never allowed to get a word in edgeways, I’d leave the room, keeping the phone on, you never even noticed I was gone. That’s when it hit, like a ton of bricks, I was a fill in, I was there to just be your ‘boyfriend,’ not an actual functioning pairing. So I decided to break up with you, I knew it was for the best, but that’s when I found out why you were being so distant.”_ By the end of the paragraph, Stiles was shouting, Malia’s whole frame shook with fear, his voice was full of so much anger, it scared her, this anger was one of the factors that cost him his life, his anger.

Malia remembered the day they all found out Lydia had cheated on Stiles. Instead of shouting in a blind rage at her, Stiles had simply walked away from the scene, all the way to Scott’s house, where Malia was studying; she had heard him kicking things around in Scott’s front yard, she had ran down and he had poured his soul out onto her shoulder. She held him close, as Scott made him hot chocolate, she knew what heartbreak felt like and the last to give it to her was Stiles, but she never told him that. She never could.

 _“I walked in on you, Lydia; I walked in on you kissing Jackson. If I hadn’t been early, maybe you would have gone further. Was that how you saw me, Lydia? Enough to toss me aside so quickly. Or was it just a spur of the moment sort of thing, he was there and I wasn’t, would we still be suffering as a couple if I had never walked in on you?”_ He asked, Malia closed her eyes, now knowing why she hadn’t seen Lydia and Jackson at school, they were hiding.

 

What Lydia did, didn’t just cost her, her relationship with Stiles. Scott began to ignore her and everyone followed Scott, she stuck with Jackson and soon enough, they were dating. Malia hadn’t even spoken to her since Stiles’s funeral, in all truth, she had only really spoken to Scott, the pack had been so dislocated since Stiles died. What Lydia did to Stiles, was horrible. Luckily, Stiles had never done anything like it to Malia, but he had broken her heart and even in his death, he was still breaking her.

 _“You never even said sorry. You just told me, you didn’t mean to do it, over and over again. In text messages, voicemails, letters, but none of them ever said the word ‘sorry.’ Why could you never bring yourself to say it? Would you say it now?”_ Stiles’s voice quizzed, now calmer and full of emotion, as if he had been crying, _“Oh wait, it’s too late now,”_ his tone once again switched from sad to mad in a matter of seconds, _“I’m dead.”_

Malia pulled the earplugs out, reaching down for her phone, turning it on and dialling Lydia’s number, _“Malia?”_ Lydia’s voice was direct, like she knew exactly what Malia was going to say.

“What is this, Lydia?” She questioned.

 _“Like he said, it’s his suicide note,”_ Lydia explained, _“Just listen and don’t come shouting at me for what I did, you haven’t even got to your tape yet.”_

“Are you?” Malia asked, ignoring her friend’s statement.

 _“Am I what?”_ Lydia asked.

“Sorry.”

 _“More than you know. We all killed Stiles Stilinski and it’s a burden we all share.”_ Lydia spoke gently, _“I miss you Malia, I do.”_

“Me too, but I need time, it’s still raw Lydia. Everything is.” With that, Malia hung up. Placing her phone on the side cabinet next to her bed, knowing it was Saturday the next morning, she had time to listen to the words of a dead boy.

Her phone buzzed and she picked it up, she had a text, from her cousin, Cora Hale. Which said, in four simple words:

_‘Dead boys can lie.’_

Malia starred at it for a few seconds, Cora had a tape, but was also claiming Stiles as lying. Why would Stiles lie? What could he gain now?f


	5. Tape 2, Side A – Derek Hale

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I do ship Sterek, as well as Stalia. So this is not hate directed towards Sterek.

  **Tape 2, Side A – Derek Hale**

Malia did want to listen to another tape, but she had fallen asleep before even setting the device up. Her soul was so on edge, that she was awake by four in the morning. She sat there, praying it was all a nightmare, that Stiles had just had a bad night, which had resulted in his death and there wasn’t all these reasons behind his death. That she wasn’t one of the reasons he was gone. She rubbed her hands over her face, rolling to her side; she wanted more sleep, but she knew she needed to listen to the rest of the tapes. She reached for the Walkman, but that’s when her phone starting ringing, she picked it up, her eyebrows shooting off her forehead when she saw who it was, “Noah?”

 _“Hi Malia, I guessed you would be awake,”_ the broken father’s voice broke, _“look I found something in Sti--- his bedroom, that you might want. It was just…sorry it’s early…it’s just here…”_

“It’s fine,” Malia spoke smoothly, “I couldn’t really sleep, I’ll be there in ten minutes,” she hung up, taking her rucksack, she placed her shoes on; took hold on her Walkman and jogged down the stairs, getting into the car. She placed her earplugs in and pressed play on the third tape as she turned out of her driveway, onto the main road.

 _“Moving on from love is sexuality. So yeah, everyone who knew me knew that I was bisexual; I only came out last September, to Malia, when we were both still dating, then with her by my side, I told the rest of you.”_ Hearing him say her name, stopped her in her tracks, a small smile formed on her face; they way he said it was feel of so much compassion and not on tint on hatred, it made Malia feel guilty, for never noticing how broken he truly was, _“Thanks Malia, I never had chance to say that. Anyway, me coming out wasn’t big news in the school, everyone was coming out when I did, it was normal to…well it was easier, for most people, apart from one resident of beacon hills and that brings me onto you Derek, Derek Hale._ ”

“Oh my God,” Malia sighed, stopping at a red light, “The kiss,” she stated, she remembered the night it happened, how broken Stiles had been, but was there a deeper theme to the story?

 _“I have one question for you: Why did you burden me with your **truth**? Why was it my responsibility to store it on my shoulders? What did I ever do to you? Apart from being your friend, one of the first you had for a while, but you threw that all away, because you were scared to admit who you were, like I was. I know it’s hard and I don’t hate you for who you are, I hate you for what you did afterwards.”_ His tone changed suddenly, from full of compassion, to full of anger, Malia brushed her fingers threw her hair, she felt so terrible for him, knowing they could have saved him, if they had just noticed. _“For everyone else listening, you might think it selfish; a dead boy revealing that one of his best friends is bisexual also, but I cannot tell this story without this context. I’m sorry Derek. I really am, but are you? Does everyone remember Lydia’s eighteenth birthday party? It was just after our breakup, but I was still invited, I stayed with Scott most of the evening, until I went upstairs to one of the spare bedrooms to get some air.”_ Malia past Lydia’s house, looking at it, knowing the events that had happened there, “ _That’s when you joined me, Derek, it was just a talk. Just a talk, right? Nothing else. **No**.”_

“Oh Derek, what did you do?” Malia questioned, turning onto the main road.

 _“We were chatting, about life, about the pack. Just a normal Stiles and Derek conversation, like we always had, every now and then. You were upset; your relationship with Braeden was over because she had to keep going away. That’s when, just suddenly, with no warning. You kissed me. You guys hear that, that’s right. **Derek kissed me**. Did you hear something else? Derek, I loved you, you were one of my best friends and maybe...just maybe, we could have been a little bit more, but we never got that far. You got scared. Terrified even. You had no idea why you did it, you were caught in the fear most people are, when you discover what you’ve kept hidden for so long.” _ Stiles spoke, Malia knew he was telling the truth, she had been with Stiles for a year, she knew his voice, this was him pouring his heart out, to tell the truth. _“I was delighted that you came out to me, even in such a shocking way, I remember smiling about it, but you…you started shouting, mostly at yourself, some directed at me. I knew that feeling, but not as bad as you. This attracted attention from the party, people bursting in and you just busting out. You were so scared, you told people I kissed you and for some reason, teenagers just thought that was…they thought that was…wrong…that I crossed a line, it ended up being worthy to be a rumour that went around school all of April. Stiles the bisexual kissed Derek Hale. I hardly slept that month, I spent most nights just crying, sometimes Malia would come and comfort me, but I have a feeling that maybe she believed your view on the story, because well, I never told mine.”_

Malia remembered staying up with Stiles, holding him close as he cried into her shoulder; everything she said never helped; he would normally fall asleep after pouring out his emotions, she stayed, she always did. She was still in love with him and he was gone, she could never tell him, it was too late, _she was too late._

 _“Sometimes Derek, you are my favourite ‘what if,’ I wonder what we could have been if you had accepted who you were or if this world didn’t make it a taboo thing to be. But, you also broke me terribly, my trust mostly. You could have even changed the story, made it something different, but you ruined me, well…you did for a while.”_ Stiles trailed off, _“please, turn over for more.”_

Malia pulled up on Noah’s driveway, the rush of nausea shooting through her veins, she had seen and spoken to Noah quite frequently since Stiles had died, but not at the house. Not where Stiles died. It was normally at Scott’s or in a café, just somewhere, anywhere, but the Stilinski household.  She placed the Walkman in the passenger seat; she opened the glove compartment, taking out her keys to Stiles’s house, she hoped out the car, locking the door. She unlocked the front door, “Noah? I’m here!” She called.

“I’m in his room, Malia!” Noah shouted down, Malia slipped her shoes off and preceded upstairs, the Stilinski household had two bathrooms, Noah and Stiles’s; Stiles’s was next to his room, but the door was closed and she had a feeling no one had stepped foot in there since he died. She didn’t keep on eye it too long, she cracked open the bedroom door and walked in; Noah was sat on the bed, looking down at the ground, where there were piles of pictures, boxes marked with names, like Scott’s, Lydia’s, hers. “You didn’t have to come.”

“No, I wanted to,” she crouched down on the ground, “What did you find?”

“The Christmas gift he never gave to you,” Noah said reaching behind him, grabbing a wrapped present, “he could never bring himself to give it to you, but I guessed you might want it,” he said placing it in her hands.

“Thank you,” Malia smiled, holding it in her hands, “What are the boxes?”

“These are not finished yet,” Noah sighed, “It’s just a collection of stuff you lot left behind or pictures I’ve found.”

Malia turned the present around, it was wrapped in purple wrapping paper, her favourite colour; it was lined along in gold, a card written in his handwriting was on the front, she beamed, pulling it off and placing it down, as she picked the corners of the present, carefully. “How’s the court case going?”

“It’s hard, but it happens with cases like his. No note, no reason. The court think the school play a part for not noticing signs or have enough bullying restrictions, or anything to help children with problems. Places for them to go if they are—feeling down,” he hesitated, trying not to cry, “I mean the school doesn’t even have a counsellor right not, not since the last one quit.”

“The last few weeks, we all have mandatory anti-suicide lessons, it’s just…too much….Scott has walked out of all of them, I usually follow. He hasn’t been in for a while,” Malia sighed, “I guess it’s hard, Beacon Hills High School has lost two people in two months. It’s just---sometimes….too much.”

“I know, but you are all being very brave.” Noah said, placing his hands on her shoulder.

“Bravery is nothing to do with it,” she said unwrapping the present, she pulled the paper away to view the gift shielded inside. It was a photo book, once again a violet colour, she grinned, trying to look through it with bleary eyes, “It’s us.” She laughed, flicking through the pages, full of pictures of her and Stiles; selfies, prom pictures, kisses, hugs, cuts outs from their instagram pages. “Oh, it’s so him,” she beamed, tracing her hands over the pictures. When she reached the end of the photo album, she saw a cassette tape stuck to the back, underneath it said, _‘Our Songs,’_ her heart skipped a beat, seeing another cassette tape, but this time it didn’t bring her dread, it brought her happiness.

“Stiles loved cassette tapes, he used to record on them when he was little, sometimes with Scott, little radio shows,” Noah smiled, Malia laughed, “I still have his recording set, I remember when he made that tape, all the songs he related to you.” Malia’s phone buzzed in her jacket pocket, she ignored it, knowing it would be something to do with the tapes, “you want to get that.”

“Not really,” Malia sighed, that’s when her phone started ringing, she rolled her eyes, taking it out, “Derek, now’s not really the time…your what?” She hopped out, walking to the window, “Oh, I’m coming down.” She hung up, spinning around, “Sorry Noah, seems like my cousin doesn’t know the laws against stalking,” she shook her head, she walked over, taking him into a hug, Noah stood up, rubbing her back, “Phone me whenever you want to,” she told him, breaking apart from him.

“I will,” Noah watched her trail away from sight; he sat back down on the bed, “She loved you, Stiles.”

Malia heard his voices from down in the living room, she bit her bottom lip, “I still do.” She muttered, walking outside, “Derek! I would like it if you didn’t follow me everywhere I went.”

“You have the tapes,” Derek stated.

“How did you know that?” Malia questioned, “How does everyone know that?”

“Mason told me...well I asked him,” Derek spoke gently, “I was worried about you getting them, how much it would hurt you to listen to.”

“What you did was horrible, but more understandable then what Jackson and Lydia did.” Malia shrugged.

“So you’re not going to punch me like Scott did then?” Derek questioned, backing off slightly.

“No,” Malia shook her head, “The opposite actually,” she paced forward, taking him into a embrace, “I know you miss him,” she whispered into his ear, as he nestled his face into her shoulder, “I also know what it’s like to love him, but we can’t bring him back.” She cried, pulling apart, “None of us can.”

“So you got onto my tape?” Derek asked, “That’s how far you are?”

“Yeah,” she nodded, “I’ll listen to more today,” she bit her bottom lip, “What does Mason have to do with this?”

“You’ll have to ask him,” Derek told her, “you’re being watched Malia, we all were when we were listening to the tapes. It’s Stiles’s last game.”

“This is not a game.” Malia snapped, “This is a suicide note.”

“However you see it,” Derek shrugged, he paced towards his car, “Did Cora text you?”

“Yes.”

“ _Dead boys can lie_. She says her tape is a lie, so does Jackson, they say that Stiles blew everything out of proportion. They want me to say the same, but everything he said about me, it was true.” Derek looked to the ground, “and I regret it every single day.” With that, he walked away getting into his car and leaving her stood alone.

She clambered into her car, turning the second tape around in her Walkman, placing the ear plugs back in, _“Best friends. Brothers. No other way to introduce this one, hello Scott.”_


	6. Tape 2, Side B – Scott McCall

**Tape 2, Side B – Scott McCall**

_“Best friends. Brothers. No other way to introduce this one, hello Scott.”_

Malia was dreading Scott’s tape, knowing how hurt he would be hearing his own brother talk about why he died, she leant back into her car seat, as she parked up around the corner to listen and concentrate on the truth behind his suicide. She just didn’t know what Scott could have ever done to Stiles, they were best friends and she knew they had bond that was closer than anyone else’s.

 _“I want say, before we start; you will always be my brother, okay? Putting you on here hurt me, but leaving you out would have been a lie. I love you bro, but well….I was nothing when you didn’t believe in me, this is why you’re here, I think you gave up on me.”_ Stiles’s voice, this time, was full of compassion and it was calm, unlike the other tapes, which were full of anger. This time, he was either scared about the content of the tape or he was so close to committing suicide, all his anger was gone. Both options were horrible to think of. _“Okay, it’s time to travel again, this time to a place all of you know – school.”_

Malia paused the tape, starting her engine and heading to school, it was Saturday, almost half five in the morning. It would be empty. She parked up and almost immediately noticed Mason’s car, she hopped out, proceeding over she knocked on the window and sleeping Mason awoke, he rolled down the window, “Tape 2, Side B?”

“Are you on these tapes?” She asked, “Why would you be?”

“I’m not, I have a different purpose,” he clambered out, “see Stiles trusted me with something.”

“You have the second set of tapes, don’t you?” She questioned, Mason nodded, “You have the power to reveal them.”

“Yes,” Mason nodded.

 “Liam? Is he on these tapes?” Malia asked, Mason shook his head, “I guessed so. Because I thought he was the one with second set, but after I listened to those tapes, I knew he wasn’t. Liam doesn’t care about revealing the secret, if it brought justice for Stiles.”

“Stiles believed in me to do it right,” Mason hesitated, “I have two sets of tapes, just so you know.”

“Why two?” Malia asked.

“One that is identical to yours and one with one big detail left out.”

“The supernatural, why would he do that?” She questioned.

“You’ll learn, but right now, you must carry on, I’ll always here to speak though.” Mason grinned, “Like I was for the others.”

“I can guess who turned all that down,” Malia placed her earplugs back in, walking to the main school doors, taking Stiles’s spear keys from the gutter, by the door in order to open the door, as soon as she was inside, she pressed play.

 _“Walk down the corridors, like I did, but one day, one different day, I ran down those corridors like my life depended on it, because it did. The day Donovan chased me down, the day I killed him.”_ Stiles spoke, with anger now directed towards himself, Malia could almost hear his heavy breathing and shouts as he ran for his life, she paced towards the library, knowing it was where Stiles had fought Donovan, _“That’s my concession to the world; I killed Donovan…in self defence. He chased my through the school corridors, my heart was pounding in my chest; I thought I was going to die, I was thinking about most of you…Scott…Malia…Lydia…my Dad, all of you past my mind. I got into the library and climbed the scaffolding, as he told me how he was going to kill me, how he was going to rip me apart limb by limb. He followed me, so I took a chance and pulled one pin that changed the course of my life. A rod impaled him and killed him.”_

Malia broke the library doors open and walked inside; the scaffolding was gone, leaving only a perfect library. A picture perfect library, she paced up the stairs, _“I didn’t tell anyone because I was scared. So scared._ _You found out though Scott didn’t you? Theo told you, but not the real version of events, he told you I killed Donovan in cold blood and you believed him, with no word of caution, you didn’t stop for a second to say, “I know Stiles, this can’t be real.” You trusted him, straight away, we knew Theo three years when we were kids and three weeks when he told you I killed someone. You believed him! After everything we’ve been through, you believed him, after we had been friends for fourteen years. You really thought I killed someone with no reasoning!”_

Malia closed her eyes, tears falling as she slowly advanced towards the book shelf, she moved the books aside, to see the initials of everyone she once held dear; hers ‘MT,’ so close by his, ‘MS’ She beamed as his bottom lip quivered as she cried, _“Then when it came to it, you just broke off our relationship, like I was nothing, like I meant nothing. When I told you, you knew straight away it was self-defence…but you never knew how damaged I already was from you not believing or trusting in me._ ” Malia pulled the earplugs out, stopping the tape as she breathed out in small sobs, she placed her hand on the stomach, leaning forward, clasping her hand on the shelf as pain lay down.

“Malia?”

Her heart sank. She turned on the spot, approaching the banister; she placed her hands on it, “Scott?”

  “Mason told me you were on my tape and I just---I knew I wanted someone to,” in a matter of seconds, Malia was in his arms, hugging him like her life depended on it, “I killed him, Lia.”

“I know,” she cried, “We all did.”

“You need keep listening,” Scott nodded, exiting the hug and tracing his thumb over her face, to rid her of the tear tracing down her cheek, “I’ll be here.”

Malia sat down the desk, placing her earplugs back in, her hand shook, so Scott pressed play for her as he said down opposite her. _“Scott…Scottie….I don’t hate you, I could never hate you…I just wish, I wish you would have seen through Theo’s lies, like I did. He knew that you not believing me would kill me. I wonder if he knew it would be one of the reasons I’d end my own life. Scott, I never got to say goodbye to you, how do I know that? Well, if my plan followed through, the last person to see me alive was Malia Tate; by I’ll save that story for later. So right now, Scott, just you and me. My best friend, my brother, my partner in crime. I would ever take back meeting you, don’t ever think I would. Okay? Goodbye Scott.”_ Malia howled as pain ripped through her body.

“I was the last,” she cried, “I was the last to see him…why did he burden me with that?”

“I don’t know,” Scott sobbed.

“Oh…I’m so sorry Scott, about everything, about losing him,” Malia wailed, she placed her palm over her mouth, “It’s unfair.”

“Everything is,” Scott looked into her eyes, “But we can bring him back, our love for him can’t ever bring him back.”

“It’s May,” Malia’s throat croaked, “We have a month and a bit until we have finish our exams, then we move on. He was hurting so much, he couldn’t wait till then. He needed it to be over.”

“You need to hear the rest of the tapes, then you’ll know.”

“You two,” Mason walked into the library, “I knew you two would be different from the rest.”

“What do you mean?” Scott asked, Mason took a seat next to them.

“Everyone else just listened to them, ignored them, really, but you two, you are allowing yourselves to be affected by them.” Mason explained, “Have any of you two seen a proper crime scene?”

“Yes.” Scott and Malia both stated.

“That didn’t involve the supernatural,” Mason added.

“Oh, no,” both of them both said in unison.

“I have,” Mason sighed.

“What was it?” Malia questioned.

“A suicide,” Mason told them.

“You were there, you got there first,” Scott’s eyes filled with tears, “How did you know? When I got there, they had already taken Stiles away.”

“The day Stiles killed himself, he came to my house, he didn’t see me, but I saw him. He left a box on my doorstep. I didn’t think it was important, because he didn’t ring the doorbell or ask to talk, he dropped it off and left in his Jeep, like any normal day,” Mason began, “I picked it up and it took me fifteen minutes to find something to play them on. By then it was too late…as soon as I knew what they were, I ran, I called Liam, saying something had happened to Stiles, then he called you, Scott. I got there; the police and ambulances had already got to the house. I ran in, Stiles was laid on the ground in the bathroom, tossed in a bag, like he was just rubbish. His Dad saw me, I told I was walking past, I started crying and I was so confused.”

“Oh, Mason,” Malia took hold of his hand, “It’s not your fault.”

“Not being faster, cost him his life,” Mason stated, “So now I listen to his instructions, he left them in the bottom of the box, I should have looked.”

 “No one could have saved Stiles Stilinski,” Scott cried, “Not even us.”

 


	7. Tape 3, Side A – Cora Hale

**Tape 3, Side A – Cora Hale**

Malia made it home from the school by seven, after having a heart to heart with Scott and Mason, it felt as if a large weight had been taken off her shoulders. She walked through the front door, a overwhelming feeling of comfort when she was back in the place she felt safest, “Malia, where the hell have you been? I got back from work an hour ago and you weren’t here.” Her Dad’s voice came from the kitchen, he walked out, “You know to leave a note if you go out, I can’t lose---,” he was shut up by her crashing into his chest, “Sweetheart, what happened?”

“Nothing, I just spoke to Scott, sorry, I should leave a note. You can ground me, it was just, I really needed to talk to him,” she backed away.

“What have you got there?” He pointed at the photo book in her hand.

“One last gift from Stiles Stilinski,” she smiled, bitterly, “It’s just some photos of us together.”

“You must be tired, go and get some sleep sweetie,” he kissed her head and watched her trail up the stairs to her bedroom.

Malia sat down, once again placing the earplugs in and listened to the audiobook of Stiles Stilinski’s death; she crossed her legs, opening up the photobook and looking through the pictures as Stiles’s voice spoke to her once more.

 _“_ _Corey. Corey Bryant. The boy who died in a car accident, which was blamed on him, because the other driver, he collided with, said he came out of nowhere and hit into him. Corey was on the way to his boyfriend’s, Mason, with a surprise for him, I knew because he told me. Corey wasn’t drunk like the courts ruled, it was not his fault.”_ Malia froze from turning the pictures when she landed on a picture of her, Stiles, Corey and Mason with Scott photobombing in the background; it was perfectly timed with the story. What did Stiles know of Corey’s death, that the others did not? _“It was yours, wasn’t it? Cora. Did you feel regret for what you did? Because I do.  I was there, but I left my mobile phone at the party we had both driven out of, so I couldn’t have done anything. I was drunk, but you weren’t, you can’t even get drunk. You wanted to a nice person and drive me phone from the party, I was a drunken mess crying over my break up with Lydia, it was just a school party, I don’t even know why we all went, can’t remember what events lead me there, but I remember what you did.”_

 _“_ Oh my God, Cora,” Malia pushed her lips together, “What did you do?”

 _“Everyone knows where Corey died; I don’t even need to tell you on the map, do I? But this time, please, none of you go. It’s too raw, too painful to see where he died. We were driving Cora, just talking, I had the window open and I was taking in the fresh air, as I was most definitely going to throw up. You were engrossed in a story you were telling me, so you turned to face me and that’s when you crashed into a stop sign. I told you to phone the police, you told me you could not have any points on your licence at your age; you drove off, leaving me on a random street in the middle of town. I ran, to the nearest shop I could find, using their phone to alert the police, by then the crash had already happened and Corey was already dead.”_ Stiles spat, his voice once again full of bittersweet anger; the talking froze when Stiles choked on sob.

“Oh Stiles,” Malia placed her hand over her heart, as it ached, she closed her eyes, tears fell down her cheeks.

 _“I was too late,”_ Stiles choked, _“too late to save Corey. I ran back, to find out the person who found them, had been Malia. She was looking for me, I drove her to the party, but instead she found a member of our pack, dead. Not ever knowing her cousin was partially responsible for that.”_

Malia could remember the moment she found Corey; she had smelt him a mile off, she had never run so fast in her entire life, but when she got there, he was already dead. She couldn’t do anything to save him.

 _“_ _You could have phoned them, right there and then. Corey wouldn’t be dead and that other man wouldn’t be paralyzed. Why Cora? Why?”_ The tape came to an unexpected ending, as if Stiles had been too tired to shout at her.

Malia fumbled for her phone, calling her cousin, _“Let me guess, you heard my tape?”_

“Yeah, I heard your tape,” Malia snapped.

 _“It’s not the whole truth,”_ Cora sighed.

“Really? Scott’s was, he told me,” Malia spoke, “Did you or did you not knock the sign down?”

 _“I did,”_ she answered, _“I wasn’t distracted because of talking, like he said. I was distracted because he threw up outside the window and I was asking if he was okay.”_

“Why didn’t you just phone the police? Saved a life?” Malia questioned, “That is a minor detail, that doesn’t change the fact that you drove off….why drive off?”

_“I didn’t want to lose my insurance.”_

“You cost Corey his life.” Malia hung up, placing her face into her pillow and screamed at the top of her lungs, followed by her just crying, how many secrets did the people she love truly have; she reached for the Walkman, knowing the only way to find out, was the carry on listening.


	8. Tape 3, Side B – Peter Hale

**Tape 3, Side B – Peter Hale**

Malia sat up once more, Walkman ready to play the next story, the next reason; she laid on her front, so she was able to flick through the photo album as she listened, that’s when she clicked play, for the billionth time, like clockwork, _“Well, who started this all of? Who ruined all our lives? Well of course it was Peter Hale, welcome the man who bite my best friend, the man who killed his own niece, all of what? Independence? The thrill of the chase? Or simply just power?  It’s all you ever really loved. The only good thing to come from you is Malia and she’s too pure for you, but you still tried your best to worm your way into her life. I hope when she hears this, she will try her best to get as far away from you as she possibly can.”_

Malia saw Peter most weeks, for friendly chats, not full of love though. She didn’t feel a connection, only one of relation. She would turn him down, if Stiles told her too, if he had a good enough reason for it, _“I don’t need to tell you the story of you turning Scott, trying to kill Lydia for no reason but to Derek. Making Lydia bring you back from the dead. You offering to bite me was when it all changed, when you left your mark on me. Biting me, I never wanted it, but you made me want it. That’s what I hate you for. I hate you because of that, for making me want to be like you. I crave the power I felt when Void was in me! But I could not let myself become like you, how could I? I left that behind, by ending my own life.”_ The way Stiles spoke the last line made her feel sick, he had been so okay with the idea of killing himself and that hurt to hear.

“I--don’t want to do this anymore,” Malia whispered, but pushed her to listen.

 _“Peter Hale, I know what you are compliable of. I know that you would still want Scott dead, if it meant you had power again. You lie about wanting Malia to be your daughter. You would give her up in a heartbeat for power. How do I know this? Listen, everyone knows how my tone of voice changes when I’m lying, especially Scott and Mal. I know what it is like to be you, even if it is not as bad, I saw you. I saw you talking to Theo, about gaining control over our pack, I saw and heard everything. It was only a month ago, I told Scott, I told the pack, but only about Theo, because Malia deserved to believe in you. So I told you to take a second chance, but after Theo was arrested after Scott reported him for a physical attack towards me, why was it you kept visiting him?_ ” Stiles questioned, anger bubbled in Malia’s veins, she did, she did believe Peter could change, but he had been lying all along. _“Whatever you two have planned? Now everyone knows.”_

Malia ripped the earplugs out and stormed down stairs, running out her back door, which led into the forest, as she hopped into the air, she transformed into a coyote, she landed on all fours legs and charged towards the Hale household. It didn’t take her long, she knew how to get in, she just scratched at the door, until a very tired Peter unlocked it and she pounced on him, “Oh, I thought you were that homeless cat again,” Peter stated, bluntly. Malia growled at him, eyes glowing crystal blue.

“Malia!” Derek’s voice boomed, he was stood in his pyjamas, in the door way of his room; Cora close by, “Stand down.” She barked at him, “I know, we are keeping an eye on him, he won’t do anything, I promise.” He reassured her, “He won’t hurt the pack.” Cora walked into her room, picking up some of Malia’s spare clothes they all had, just in case, she tossed them to Derek, who caught them with ease. “You don’t want to hurt him.”

Malia walked off Peter, transforming back into her human form, all of them turned to allow her time to get changed, “It’s like family meet up here.”

“Shut it Peter,” Cora ordered.

“I’m not a Hale, not now, not ever,” Malia snapped, “You Peter, only care for you. You Cora, are exactly the same,” she span on the spot to face Derek, “What you did wasn’t as bad as what they did, but you still put yourself first on that occasion, which added to Stiles’s pain.”

“I know,” Derek sighed, “I wish…I wish I could change that.”

“Me too.” Malia answered.

 

 

 


	9. Tape 4, Side A – Isaac Lahey

**Tape 4, Side A – Isaac Lahey**

Derek Hale drove Malia home, the pair didn’t talk at all; he could smell the anger and pain radiating off from her. When he parked up outside her house, she didn’t even say goodbye, she clambered out and slammed the door behind her, so forcefully, the window of the passenger seat shattered apart; she turned around, looking at her damage, “It’s okay,” Derek spoke first, “I can get it fixed.” He pressed his foot on the pedal and was soon out of sight, leaving Malia stood alone in her front yard.

“But, we can’t fix each other,” she muttered, climbing the steps and opening her front door, climbing upstairs to her bedroom, she paced over to the wardrobe, bending down to shift through everything in order to find her plug in stereos; she picked them up, the connected them to the Walkman, she placed them on the side cabinet and clicked play, sitting on her bed, taking hold of the photo album once more and placing in on her labs.

“ _Back onto the subject of best friends - Isaac. I would call you an acquaintance in my books, but you were getting closer to the people around the pair of us. Especially when you and Jackson moved back into Beacon Hills, you started spending more and more time with Scott, maybe you just wanted a friend, but at the same time, you took my friend from me, over the last month, I’ve hardly seen Scott at all. I used to see him all the time, but it seemed he wanted to catch up with you. Sometimes, when I tried to join a conversation, you’d either tell me not to interrupt or that I needed to be werewolf to understand the experience you went through. I felt like an outsider, but I didn’t want Scott to lose out on having a friend who is the same age, had powers only a month less than him; he deserved someone in the same place as him. I was still just a human, was a human._ ” Stiles hated himself, that point had been proven, he hated who he was. Just a human. He had hated himself for the same reason, Malia had loved and adored him, his superpower was him being human, it made him different from all the rest of them. Malia knew Isaac didn’t mean it, she had known him for three months, but she knew he had a good heart. Maybe he did kick Stiles out, but didn’t believe it was for a selfish reason, more of a, he didn’t think Stiles would understand the story.

 _“You might think I’m being unfair, Isaac, that everyone else so far as done far worse things then you did. Why did you cut me out? What did I do? Was I too Stiles for you? Too, needy or talkative? Did my ADHD drive you up the wall? Did you think I killed Allison?”_ All the questions made sense to Malia, of course Stiles thought them all, him saying Allison’s name and believing Isaac blamed him, maybe part of him did, that’s why he cut Stiles out, he just couldn’t look at the same face of the same demon who killed her. This wasn’t Isaac’s fault, but he accidently took Scott from Stiles, which hurt Stiles, then it led to him placing Isaac on the list. _“What was in that made me so repulsive? An outsider who didn’t deserve to talk to you like I did the others. Did you frown upon a human being having such a high rank in a supernatural pack? What was it, Isaac? Should I have stopped making jokes?_ ”

Malia leant over, stopping the tape, “You stopped making jokes,” she whispered, “He stopped making joke,” she said, her voice now risen.

“Malia?” Her Dad’s sleepy voice asked as he pushed the door open, “What’s going on honey?”

 

“Sorry Dad…just, we were asked if we knew signs about Stiles,” she trailed off, “and it hit me. I’d say two weeks prior to his death…he….he, stopped making jokes and being sarcastic…I just realised that we should have known.”

“You can’t notice everything,” he started, “you started exam season, he was behind, you probably all put it down to that, not that he was complementing suicide.” Henry spoke, “Sweetheart, get some sleep and we can talk later, but I definitely need some sleep.”

“Go the bed down, I’ll be fine,” she said stroking her fringe out of her eyes, as soon as he was gone and the door was pressed shut, she turned her attention back to the tapes.

 _“One last question, Isaac, I know I’ve asked lot, this one is just to answer in the comfort of your own head: Did you mean to take my best friend away from me?”_ He questioned.

Malia reached for her phone, texting Isaac:

 **Malia 8:09am** – “Isaac, I know you didn’t mean it.”

 **Isaac 8:09am** – “I didn’t. I just, guess, something’s he said are true. I didn’t think he did understand, but in he did. I think he understood the pain of the supernatural more than any of us.”

 **Malia 8:10am** – “You don’t think…he killed Allison, do you?”

 **Isaac 8:10am** – “Definitely not. Allison died saving me and Lydia, from harm. Stiles played no part in what Void did.”

 **Malia 8:11am** – “You dropped of the tapes at mine, didn’t you?”

 **Isaac 8:12am** – “Yes. What gave me away?”

 **Malia 8:12am** – “Hale.”

 **Isaac 8:13am** – “Yeah, I did that on purpose. So you knew it was serious. That it meant something.”

 **Malia 8:14am** \- “I’m next?”

 **Isaac 8:14am** – “It’s not that simple.”

 **Isaac 8:14am** – “You just have to listen, Malia.”

 

 

 


	10. Tape 4, Side B – Void Stiles

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Short chapter...sorry!

Malia placed her phone back down, taking the tape and turning it around, pressing play, dreading what would come next. When she came into the whole thing, when she just wanted to know what she did wrong _. “Just so you all know, the next three tapes are of people and creatures that are gone or dead. Feel free to skip past these, but I needed to add them, because they all play a park. Starting with Void.  The Nogitsune. The creature that possessed me and took me over, changing my morals and changing my life story. I had my life planned out, from the day Scott was bitten._ _We’d fight evil. We’d win every time. I’d fall in love, with who ever loved me back. We’d be happy._ ”

Malia only met Void once and she couldn’t remember it, she had been semi-conscious, all she knew, was Stiles let him in, in order to save her life. He had never liked talking about it, when he did, he would always get emotional, it had never been an easy topic for him to approach.

 _“We did win. We beat Peter. We beat Gerald. Then we lost Erica and Boyd, but we knew blood would be lost in war when we were just teenagers. So we tried again, stopped Jennifer, but also cursed ourselves. Letting loose a demon from hell itself, that clung onto to me, that took my over and changed everything, it ruined everything! I wanted to die then, just die and never wake up!”_ Stiles screamed, the recording picked up his sobbing in the background, _“Then Allison died. Then Aiden. I was still alive. Why was I allowed to live after we lost everything?”_

“You felt responsible and you ended your own life,” Malia cried, “Why didn’t you just tell me?”

 _“I hate myself for still craving that power, the power of the devil itself. It was in control, but I once told a girl, who couldn’t control herself on a full moon yet, that control is overrated. Even though it was a truth, it was also a lie. I would give anything for the strength Void provided me with, even after everything he did. I hate him and I hate myself.”_ The tape came to an end, he kept mentioning Malia, that’s she realised. She was always in the sidelines, watching from behind, but never seeing how hurt he was; she was a bystander, that was her problem, she cared, but not enough to save him.


	11. Tape 5, Side A – Allison Argent & Tape 5, Side B – Aiden Steiner

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I combined both together as they both such short chapters

**Tape 5, Side A – Allison Argent**

Malia took tape four out and placed it back in the box with the other three, she took hold of tape five, studying the pictures; it was of Allison and Stiles, she was kissing his cheek and she was beaming from ear to ear, one of the happiest Malia had ever seen him. She opened the tape placing it in, wanting to learn, what is was like to be Stiles Stilinski and how much it hurt.

 _“Void killed Allison Argent. A girl who was nothing, but kind to me, a sister, I always needed. To help me with revision or chat on the phone about pointless things. I remember when she went to France for four months, she never once spoke to Scott, but we spoke, on Skype and text messages. We’d talk about school and love, binge watching TV shows and loving on characters, even if we didn’t always agree”_ Stiles sounded happy when he spoke about Allison, Malia could imagine a huge smile on his face as he told the story of their friendship, a sibling bond that no one had noticed, until it was too late, _“Then Void killed her. I killed her. I killed you, Allison Argent. It was me. If I had been stronger, if I had stayed true to myself and not let him in so quickly, the halls of Beacon Hills high school would still be blessed by your presence,”_ he cried out, _“I’m so sorry. It should have been me. It will be me.”_

The tape was short, but had a huge impact on Malia. She had never known Allison. She had met her the day the pack saved her from the forest; she had given Malia her leggings and t-shirt, to keep her warm; so Allison had walked off wrapped in one of Isaac’s jacket.  Malia had never known how much Allison meant to Stiles, she doesn’t believe any of them did.

**Tape 5, Side B – Aiden Steiner**

A blind man could see who was next on the tapes, it was obvious. Malia turned the tape around, she was being slow, she knew her tape was soon and she wasn’t sure she’d be able to face it. Her shaking hand, pressed play, _“_ _I didn’t know Aiden long and well, I didn’t really like him either. But, Lydia, was helping make him a good man, he wanted to have a brighter view then the one handed to him. He died, like Allison, I killed him and no can tell me otherwise.”_

Malia grabbed a teddy bear from the foot of her bed, one Stiles had given her for the first and only valentines’ day together, she held it close to her chest and she curled into a ball, listening to Stiles spoke.

 _“He could have saved people, if he hadn’t died, Ethan could have stayed, helped the pack. Stopped the benefactor and Theo quicker. All these possible futures that were made impossible by me, only if Argent had shot my through the skull that day, then maybe Void would have been beaten far earlier.”_ Stiles spoke honestly _, “Why do I feel responsible for your death, Aiden? And Allison’s.”_

“Because you were Void,” Malia cried, “That wasn’t your fault.”

_“Because I was Void, Void was me. That is my punishment, not living anymore.”_

There was a reason Allison and Aiden’s stories were so short, it was easy to explain, he felt responsible for their deaths. So he escaped the world and he took himself with it, he ended his own life. Leaving behind everyone who ever loved him.

The world had been colourless before Malia met Stiles, then it was like fireworks went off and painted her life, but then he died, the world was rid of all colour, it was black and white again. He was gone.

And she was one of the reasons why.


	12. Tape 6, Side A – Malia Tate

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warning: Malia stands on the edge of a cliff, kind of like Clay did in the series.

**Tape 6, Side A – Malia Tate**

Malia Tate was terrified; her whole structure was shaking, as her fear was claiming her. She slid down on the ground, sitting by the floor; holding the teddy bear close to her chest as she cried, “Malia, don’t press play just yet,” Scott was stood in the doorway, “I think you need someone with you, for this one,” he held out his hand, she rose from the spot, wiping her tears away with the back of her sleeve, she took hold of the Walkman, rising from the spot, “let’s go,” he took her hand and they walked out of the house, into his car, he handed her a pair of headphones, “stop it whenever you want.”

 

 _“_ _Promises. Promises are never kept, which goes against, why they are made. Did you ever tell you, Malia? That I actually hated saying ‘I love you,’ no offence everyone I ever said it to, I did mean it, but I felt like the term ‘I love you’ had too many meanings and that it was just boring.”_ Stiles started, Malia smiled sadly, closing her eyes and leaning on the window, as Scott drove to the top of the mountain, the place Malia and Stiles had spent their first date night together, _“So Malia Tate, loving you was one of the best things I ever did, I loved you too much and never said it to you. I said, “I’d never leave you behind,” and you said the same to me, saying “I rather die, then to be without you,” or “I can’t live without you,” those were our ‘I love yous,’ didn’t they have more of a meaning?”_ Malia stopped the recording, stepping out the car with Scott.

“Why’d you bring me here?” She questioned, wiping her hears from her eyes.

“Stiles planned your first date night perfectly,” Scott started, guiding her to a bench, “He wanted it to perfect. He had a playlist made to play in the background,” he smiled, “he just wanted it to be your night.”

“I know,” her throat cracked, as tears full down her cheeks, she walked to the edge of the cliff, looking down, “he danced with me,” she beamed, “we fell asleep in the back of the Jeep, it was just, perfect.”

Malia looked down at the Walkman and clicked play, bracing herself, _“But if you want to hear it, Malia, I love you. I love you more today than I did before. You shouldn’t be on these tapes, not at all, but I needed you to know, how much a promise means, I also needed you to know that I didn’t just leave this world without meaning. You walked away from me, I walked away from you, we did it too much. We should have stayed. We should have stayed, Mal. I shouldn’t have lied to you and I should have known you believing in me about Donovan…was enough for me, but I was too distracted at that time.  I’ve left you one last time, but claiming my own life and I’m sorry.”_ He cried, _“I’m so sorry.”_ Malia placed her hand on her stomach, leaning forward as she wailed, _“Malia…Mal, you shouldn’t be here. Not on my list, but you need to understand, loving you was amazing, one of the best parts of my life, but it couldn’t save me. Please, do not think that you didn’t love me enough, promise me you will never blame yourself and this time; promise me you’ll stick to it, for the rest of your days. Stick. To. It._ ”

“I killed him,” Malia howled, placing the Walkman down, “I killed Stiles Stilinski.”

“No, Malia,” Scott stepped forward, “We all did.” He approached her, “Please, Lia, get away from the edge.” Malia backed away, still not facing Scott.

“If he was here, I could have saved him,” Malia croaked, “I could have told him how much I loved him.”

“Would that really bring him back?” Scott questioned.

Malia looked down at the ground, “Not back. If I told him, if I’d been brave and not let him walk away! Then we could still be together, he would never got with Lydia, she would have never broken his heart. Derek would have never kissed him, _everything affects everything_ , I read that in a book once. I started most of this,” she cried, “I’m the daughter of a man who hurt him, I just I’m related to some of the list! Most of it, actually. I am what’s wrong.”

“Lia, what could you have said to him, to make him stay?” Scott questioned.

Malia looked up, in front of her, as plain as day and as real as ever, was Stiles Stilinski. Looking over the hill at the bright lights of Beacon Hills. A red and black flannel clinging to his structure and his typical black jeans, with worn down shoes, he turned back, his brown orbs, blood shot, with tears teasing down his cheeks, “Stiles…” she stepped forward, knowing the whole thing was in her imagination, but right now, he was real, he was there and her mind made it so. She reached forward, her hands lying down on his arms, her fingers linking with his. She could feel him, she could touch him, he was real. Even though he wasn’t really in front of her. She loved him enough, to picture him, in every aspect, in every detail. Even the individual moles on his face, “I don’t like you,” Malia started, “For walking away. For locking me out. For forgetting what we meant to each other,” she hovered her hand up, placing it on his cheek, rubbing his tears away, “but, I could never hate you, because I love you. I love you for helping me, for guiding me out of the dark and into the light. I love you, Stiles and I won’t ever, ever, leave you alone again, I promise. I’ll stay.” She lowered her hand from his face and he turned away from her, their hands breaking apart. When he turned back to look at her, his complexion was chalk-white and his eyes were full, Malia stepped closer to him.

“Why did you not say this to me when I was alive?” He questioned, he looked back to the horizon. Malia let out sob and leant in closer, in order, to wrap her arms around him, locking them together around his chest, he gripped onto them as he cried; she kissed his cheek, nuzzling her head into the groove of his shoulder.

“Lia?” Scott’s voice broke her fantasy, Malia opened her eyes, Stiles was no longer there and she was on the edge of the cliff, Scott reached for her arm, coaxing her back to safety, “Those words were lovely, but it wouldn’t have saved him.”

“How can I live like this?” Malia asked, “Knowing I killed him.”

“We all have too,” Scott cried, “All of us,” he took her into a hug and let her pour the contents of her soul out onto his chest, as he cuddled her, close.  


	13. Tape 6, Side B – Theo Raeken

**Tape 6, Side B – Theo Raeken**

Scott McCall and Malia Tate sat in his car, letting the silence claim their conversations, Malia rested her head on the window, allowing the last of her tears to trail down the side of her nose, onto her cheek. “Do you want me to stay, for the final two sides?” He questioned.

 

“It’s fine, I left it at home anyway,” she answered, “need to get this over with, so I can just, reflect on losing him.”

 

“Me too,” Scott started the engine, “Want to stop of for breakfast, oh wait, no, it’s nearly twelve.”  He stumbled, looking at his clock, “We were on that cliff for quite a long time,” he snapped his eyes to her; “You weren’t going to jump? Were you?”

 

“No,” she answered, “Of course not. Didn’t mean it didn’t past my thoughts. I guess. Loving him was the hardest thing I ever did, still loving him, is like actually being lit on fire and not being able to put it out.” She shook her head, “I better get home, but I do want to spend more time with you, I need you Scott.”

 

“I need you too, Malia,” Scott parked the car by her house, as she climbed out, she noticed something, she turned back, bending down.

  
“Scott, Stiles needed you too and he loved you, everyone knew that,” she spoke, reassuringly, “Sometimes one person isn’t enough. Maybe all _thirteen_ of us, could have done better,” he looked at her, their brown eyes meeting, “but Stiles loved you and I hope you know that.”

 

“I do. I hope you do too,” he told her.

 

“I do.” She nodded, “I better go and finish this.”

  
“The next one, please do not do anything irrational to the person it is about. I don’t need you being arrested anytime soon,” Scott half giggled, not out of humour, out of worry, it was nervous laugh, he knew when he listened to tape twelve, he wanted to kill Theo Raeken with his own two hands.

 

“It’s about Theo, isn’t it?” She questioned.

 

“Yeah,” he nodded, “I’ve spoken to Mason, you can’t hand them to him in prison, so you skip to person thirteen. Just so you know.”

 

“I will,” she closed the door and walked up to her house; she charged upstairs, reaching for the stereo plugging in the Walkman and turning the tape over, “Here we go.”

 

 _“_ _This will be quick and simple. Theo Raeken. You were the final straw in all the strings that controlled me; you took me around in a full circle.  It started with Jackson beating me up over and over again, to Isaac trying to take my best friend away from me. You were most of this list combined. **You beat me up.** **You lied to the pack.** **When you were younger, you tried to take Scott from me; you nearly succeeded in your adult life.** You were the worst.” _ Stiles’s voice rose, _“The worst of them all.”_

Malia didn’t like the fact she was on the same list as someone as evil as Theo, but got why, Theo had done terrible things and he was always going to make it to the list, but he was almost last, Stiles had left his anger for Theo, all of it, building up and releasing in one final outburst.

 _“Firstly, after Liam brought you back and I was saved from the Wild Hunt, everything was okay, then you beat me up, no reason, you just did and told me everything was my fault, is it easier to bruise a human? Did you think it would result in more of outcome if you hospitalized me? You broke my ribs and my right arm, I told him not to, but Scott reported you and you were arrested, prison for three months for abuse and harm. That’s the first time we simply just sent a villain to jail, but it will never be enough, will it?”_ Stiles spat, cursing under his breath.

Malia remembered when Theo beat Stiles up, because she had been there, so had Scott. Theo was able to knock them both down and just took out his anger on Stiles, telling him he was meant to die, not Donovan and that’s what ruined his perfect plan for his own pack, that he could be Alpha of. Malia and Scott were finally able to separate Theo from Stiles, but his physical and emotional damage was done, once something is done, it cannot be undone.

 _“What do you have planned with Peter, though? Two villains of Beacon Hills. My Dad, will make sure of it, that you will rot in the corner of hell. You might not get these tapes; I don’t think they have cassette tapes in prison. I just want to make sure that everyone else knows. You are a monster and you always will be.”_ Stiles shouted.

Malia wanted Peter to be good, but Stiles, the boy she loved, had placed him in the same category as Theo, to her that was enough to block him off entirely from her life. Out of all the tapes, the last one was the only one she knew had affected Stiles so much, because it was physical, or the others were not easy to see, as they were philological, under wraps, only tears made it to the service. Not the truth. She held him through dark nights, after Lydia broke his heart and Derek started a rumour, but she thought the pain would go away. The supernatural can take away physical pain, but they cannot take the agony people do not let the world see. That’s why she never knew, how much other events had hurt Stiles Stilinski.

She reached down to the box, taking out the final tape, reason thirteen and then, it would all be over.  She placed it her Walkman and for the last time, she hit play.


	14. Tape 7, Side A – Principal Thomas

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This character isn't made up, he was in season two and the start of season three.

**Tape 7, Side A – Principal Thomas**

_“All my life, I was told, when you are sad or you feel down, you turn to a teacher or a counsellor, Beacon Hills High has been without a counsellor for some time now, for I turned to someone different. So after recording all these types and getting my word across, I felt relief, I decided, to give life, one last chance. So I thought, if I turned to the head of the school and just spoke about how I felt, then maybe…just maybe, he could help me not want to die anymore. So Principal Thomas, this one is for you. The rest of the list might be terrified that you have listened to twelve tapes about werewolves, banshees, werecoyotes, kanimas, but you know. You know everything, I found out, when I went to your office and I recorded our conversation for this tape.”_

Malia had met the head teacher of her school, but not once did she expect for him to make the cut of the reasons Stiles ended his own life; he was a nice man, from what she had seen, but he knew of the supernatural and never once helped them out, how did know? Why did he know?

 _“What have you come in for today, Stiles?”_ Principal Thomas’s voice questioned, Malia could hear Stiles crying, _“Are you okay?”_

 _“I just—need ---to talk…I need to talk.”_ Stiles froze between words, liking out smalls sobs, a object was slid to him, Malia guessed it was a box of tissues, she rolled her eyes, it was a teacher response to everything, a tissue won’t solve everything.

 _“I’m always here to talk.”_ Principal Thomas sighed, _“And listen.”_

 _“You don’t understand…no one does,”_ Stiles choked out, the sound of his taking a tissue from the box could bed hear; the recording was muffled, as the recorder was probably in his rucksack, but Malia heard it a clear as day, the pain in Stiles’s every word.

 _“I know about Scott and Malia, Lydia, Liam,”_ Principal Thomas spoke gently, Malia was sure she heard Stiles’s breath hitch in unison with his heart stopping for a second, _“Most of the teachers do, we know about the supernatural, we’ve known for years. We have to keep all our students safe, so we know who isn’t and who is and who isn’t aware of the presence.”_

 _“How do you just let everything happen…you let us just live like this?”_ Stiles’s voice asked, both shell-shocked and angry.

“ _Everyone here should be able to have normal life.”_

 _“I don’t! I was possessed!”_ Stiles shouted. Malia cupped her hand over her mouth, brushing her other hand through her hair, trying to calm herself down.

 _“I know,”_ Principal Thomas told him in a peaceful tone.

“ _Vernon Boyd, Erica Reyes, Allison Argent, Aiden Steiner. They all died!”_ Stiles wailed, _“You just let it happen.”_

 _“We didn’t see them coming Stiles, not even you did,”_ he spoke, honestly, but with care intertwined somewhere.

 _“I feel like I can’t escape…I just want it to stop…I want everything to stop. All of it, just everything, but I love my friends,”_ Stiles sobbed, _“I love all of them, but they don’t love me.”_

“We do, Stiles.” Malia snapped, “I do.”

 _“I know that’s not true. Scott? Malia?”_ Principal Thomas questioned.

 _“They don’t love me anymore,”_ Stiles’s tone was full of truth, not one wobble of doubt.

“I did Stiles, I still do.” Malia wailed, “I always will.”

“ _It’s clear for everyone to see Stiles, you’re like glue, you keep them all together. I’ve been here for fifteen years now, I’ve seen the Hales and the McCall pack, but you seem to keep everything in order.”_ Principal Thomas explained.

“ _I don’t want it. I don’t want to do anything anymore. Everything needs to stop!”_ Stiles screamed.

 _“Like what?”_ Principal Thomas asked.

“ _Villain after villain. Just life...you know. Everything.”_ Stiles sniffled.

“ _Stiles, this is really serious, do you need help?”_ Principal Thomas questioned him.

“ _I didn’t mean it like that, I just need to talk.”_ All Stiles had ever done was talk, but he had never said the right words and that was his problem.

“ _Talk then. What made you come here to me?”_ He questioned.

“ _Everything, so many different reasons, you don’t know, so many,”_ Stiles stumbled over his words as he cried.

“ _You need to be more specific, what brought you to me?”_ Principal Thomas asked him.

 _“My ribs are still healing from what Theo did,”_ Stiles started, _“My arm’s better, but my ribs need more time to fix.”_

“ _I know, I have heard about the restraining order.”_ Principal Thomas spoke softly.

 _“That’s not enough, three months in jail. He killed his sister when he was ten. He has killed people…so many, like Tracey. But we can’t prove that without revealing the supernatural world. He killed me. He killed everything I am!”_ Stiles snapped.

 _“Look Stiles, it’s senior year. Two and a half months left of college, then you’re gone. Moving onto to high waters, away from here, away from Theo.”_ Principal Thomas told him.

“ _So I just walk away and ignore it, knowing he could do more,”_ Stiles spoke angrily, _“I’m going!”_ Malia could hear the chair move and Stiles move towards the door, with Principal Thomas shouting after him in the background, _“I’m going!”_ Stiles screamed, Malia could hear him walk into the corridor, “ _It’s the end of school and I’ve made my decision and I’m sorry, all of you, I’m really sorry.”_ Malia’s heart sunk, tears falling, as she realised this was the moment, she saw him last, the last person to see him.

“ _Stiles!”_ Her own voice questioned.

“ _Malia, finished your extra study lesson?”_ Stiles’s tone had gone from depressed, to happy in seconds, his façade for Malia.

“ _Yes. What are you still doing here? You’re last lesson was before lunch.”_ Malia had asked.

“Wait, stay with him!” Malia screamed at herself, “Stay with him.”

“ _Waiting for you, come on, we can drive out together,”_ Stiles sang joyfully. Malia remembered that they both linked arms on the way out, hugged goodbye and she told him they’d see each other over the weekend for lunch, but she never saw him again.

“ _See Malia, I planned the meeting at the same time you’d be coming out, just to see a familiar face for the last time. A face I loved. Everyone on here either hated me too much or cared for me, not enough. That’s the way of the world, I’m afraid. **Goodbye**.” _ Stiles spoke, for the last time, his last goodbye, his last message to the world. His suicide note.

“Goodbye Stiles,” Malia muttered, “I’m…so…sorry, I’m sorry.”  She broke down, she shut the Walkman down, stumbling for photo album, placing in the tape with the songs Stiles had put on.

The first song was _‘Beauty And The Beast,’_ one of Malia’s favourite childhood films and her favourite song from the film, it was about her and Stiles. She tucked her face into in-between her knees and cried,  her door cracked open, her Dad took a seat next to her; she buried her face into his shoulder, he held her as she wailed, “I want him back Dad, I want him back!”


	15. Not the ending that was planned

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Note: The part in bold is very triggering as is it Stiles’s suicide scene. Please do not read it if you are not comfortable with it, you can skip all bold writing instead, I felt as if, I needed to write this. Using a main character, a character people have grown up with and loved, in situation like this one, humanises suicide, makes it more real, which it is! If it hits home too much, please skip everything in bold.

  **Not the ending that was planned**

**2 days later**

Walking into school was not what Malia wanted. She felt heavy, like the weight of the world was tumbling down upon her. She stopped at Stiles’s locker, which was still plastered with pictures of Stiles, most of them from the Lacrosse team; she took out a picture of them both kissing from the photo book and stuck it on, tracing her fingers down it, “What are you doing?” Lydia’s voice asked from behind, Malia jumped, turning to face her.

“Saying goodbye,” Malia answered.

“After the tapes?” Lydia questioned.

“After the learning how he felt,” Malia snapped, “Leave me alone, Lydia, please.”

“We can’t,” Jackson’s voice joined hers, “Where are the tapes now?”

“At home,” she told them, steadying her heartbeat, “I want to listen again, hear his voice one last time, can’t I have that?”

Isaac and Cora froze by the side of Lydia and Jackson, “Malia, give them to us. You cannot give them to Principal Thomas.”  Jackson ordered.

“I wasn’t planning too,” she lied, “and Jackson, you are not the boss of me! No boy is. Not ever,” she said turning her eyes to Lydia. “That’s Stiles’s locker!” She shouted, “I have a right to look at it, without being surrounded!” Her voice was drawing the attention of the wall corridor, everyone stopped and starred. “It’s all fun and games, everything is, tricking someone’s heart, making jokes and shutting them out! It’s fine….you all think it’s fine…until he drive someone to kill themselves!” She screamed, “You can hide that forever.” Her eyes met Scott, who had walked through the front doors of the school, “None of us can.”

“Miss Tate!” Principal Thomas shouted from the crowd behind, “With me please.”  Malia spun on her heel and followed her head down into his office, “What is wrong, Malia?”

“Other than Stiles being dead?” She questioned, sitting down in the chair.

“I know it’s hard,” Principal Thomas told her.

“Hard? Stiles came to see you, the day he killed himself,” Malia started, “He wanted to give life one last chance and he came to you. Found out you knew everything about us. He was hurting and you didn’t even follow him!” She shouted.

“I can’t discuss this Malia,” he told her.

“No, just ignore it,” she snapped, “Ignore the fact we all killed him, all of us, even me. What about the next kid who kills themselves? How about them?”

“Are you—”

“No, I just miss him,” Malia cried, “This is unfair, he should be here! And if we all listened, he would! Let me take you through this death. He brought thirteen cassette tapes,” she opened her rucksack taking out the shoebox from her bag, placing it on the desk; “he recorded twelve reasons why he ended his life, just twelve. I’m one of them, so is Scott, Jackson, Lydia, Derek, Cora, Peter, Theo…you.”

“Me?” He asked.

“Like I said, he came to you,” Malia titled her head to her shoulder, “He started tape thirteen on the same morning he died and he came here, to see if you could stop him, but you didn’t. You told him to ignore it. Then he left, posted one box of tapes to Jackson Whittemore, the first one of the list. Then left two copies on the doorstep of a trusted friend, he then went home and well, he’s the uncut version….”

 

* * *

 

**Three Weeks Ago**

**Stiles Stilinski walked up his driveway, looking back at his Jeep, he linked his fingers with the straps on his rucksack, pulling it up his shoulders and keeping it close to him. His eyelids flickered, as tears filled them and slowly teased down his cheeks, but, they soon came down like a constantly flowing stream. He shook it off, grinning at his car, the only object in the whole world that had actually stuck by him, only breaking when he broke, always staying by his side since he was barely fifteen, it had been part of his life since before he could talk, it was his Mum’s Jeep. “Thank you,” he nodded, he unlocked the front door, letting himself in, as he closed it, he leant his hands on it, knowing he would never step foot outside ever again. This was where he would die, home, alone.**

**He paced into the kitchen; a note was on the table in his Dad’s handwriting, which read: _“I’ll be home at eight, order pizza, you know what I like. Love you. Dad x”_**

**Stiles clutched it in his hand and scrunched the piece of paper in his fist, holding it in his palm, bringing it to the brim of his nose, “I’m sorry,” he choked out, “I’m not changing my mind.” He advanced up the stairs, turning on the upstairs lights; he pushed his bathroom door open, stumbling inside and slamming it shut, placing his arm across it, resting his forehead on it, his face draining of colour. He held back his tears; bit his bottom lip, scratching the surface of his skin, letting blood tease out. He pushed himself off the door, tossing the piece of paper on the floor.**

**He walked over to his bath, placing the plug in and running the hot water on full; he clutched the side of the sink with his hands, until his knuckles turned chalk-white. He looked up to meet his own eye line in the mirror, he pulled the bag off his shoulder and unzipped it, drawing out the blades, he had stolen them from a school stationary cupboard, so simple and in reach of every teenager, which they would soon discover to be a serious violation of safety. He placed the box on the sink; he took off his hoodie, allowing it to fall to the ground. He slid off his shoes, kicking them to the corner of the room, until all he was wearing was his black jeggings and plain white top, with a black rim going around the neck and short sleeves.**

**He spun around, turning the water off, he bowed his head down, breathing through his agony. It was almost over. He just didn’t know what he was truly leaving behind and in the end that was one of the worst results. He picked up the box, drawing out one blade, placing it in the corner of the bath. He bent down, picking up his jacket; he folded it perfectly into a square and placed it on the closed toilet, then he took his trainers and placed them on top of his jacket.**

**He walked back over to the bath, placing his foot in and bracing the warm temperature, as soon as he had passed the pain of the heat; he teased his other foot in a lay down in the water, letting his head balance on the bathroom wall. His clothes weighed him down, the water slowly poured out of the tub in small lines, he stopped his body from shaking and the water stilled.**

**He picked up the blade, studying it for few seconds. What if Scott knew? Or Malia? What if Lydia sensed it? Or maybe Mason had listened to the tape already and had called them all. Or maybe, no one knew and he was alone, the biggest reason he even wanted to do it, he was trapped in his own mind and he just, didn’t think anyone would ever understand. He brought the blade to his right arm, holding his breath and closing his eyes as he pushed it down into his skin, he screamed out in agony, as he pulled it down his arm, he could almost hear it tearing at his skin, at the tissue. The blood followed immediately afterward, pouring in the bath at a fast rate. He breathed through it, knowing there was no going back, _he didn’t even want to._ He sobbed as he took the blade and repeated the process on his opposite arm, his hand became too weak to grasp onto it, it slipped down into the water. **

**He lay both his arms down into the bath, his mind fought to stay awake, whilst his heart let him close his eyes, he was in agony, all he wanted to do was scream. He bit his lip, keeping his mouth closed as his pain tore through him, like one million bullets tearing him apart. Soon enough, his body gave up the fight and he let out one last breath of consciousness as his mind slipped into nothingness.  His body loosened and stunk down, adding weight and the water poured out onto the floor.**

**The bathroom was silent; he was still, not moving at all, apart from his lungs taking in the last gasps of air. Soon enough, that too, was gone. He died, alone and he died, afraid. Minutes, just a few minutes past when his Dad got in from work, early that day, but not early enough to save Stiles.**

**“Stiles, I’m home!” Noah’s voice echoed around the house, “Hope you haven’t ordered pizza yet, I picked some up on the way home,” he trailed off, “Stiles!” He repeated, “Have you got those blasting headphones on again?” He placed the pizza boxes down and bolted up stairs, Stiles’s bedroom was the first one up the stairs, he looked at it, pushing the door open, Stiles was not inside, he closed the door. “Stiles?” He noticed water on the floor outside Stiles’s bathroom, it was soaking the carpet, “Hey Stiles, you haven’t flooded the bathroom again, have you?” He knocked on the door, “Stiles! Really, there’s water everywhere,” he noticed the door was not locked, he pushed it open and his world tumbled down on him.**

**Seeing a loved one hurt is one thing. Seeing them in a place you never thought they’d ever go was more painful and soul crushing. There is a word for a child losing a parent, as that is expected in this world. There is not a word for a parent who losing a child, because typically, that is not the norm. Disease claims children, which is wrong. Suicide, that’s another story, a harsher story, even, as it's not seen coming, no one knows it's going to happen.**

**The Sheriff stumbled into the doorway, “No,” the word past his lips, “Stiles!” He ran through the water, slipping, he fell, catching himself on the corner of the bath, he placed one of his hands behind Stiles’s back and the other under the boys leg’s, “Come on Stiles! You’re okay,” he lifted him out; “You’re okay, Stiles.” He balanced Stiles on his knees, holding his arms, ignoring the blood filled water underneath him. He panicked, switching on his radio, “This is the Sheriff, does anyone read me?” He cried out, clutching Stiles close, he tried to check his son’s pulse, but his arms were mutilated, he couldn’t let go of him to check anywhere else, his fatherly love and the fear running through him, couldn’t let Stiles go.**

**“Sheriff? This is Parrish, is everything okay?” Parrish questioned,  a sense of urgency in his voice.**

**“I need an ambulance! For my house, it’s Stiles. 10-56, Parrish! Just hurry!” He screamed, holding Stiles close to his chest as he wailed, he didn’t even hear Parrish’s reply, he was too caught up in his own grief, he cupped Stiles’s cheek, “Please don’t leave me. I don’t have anything else…but you…Stiles, please,” he cried out, “Please.”**

* * *

 

**Present day**

“Do you really think that Noah deserved to find Stiles like that?” Malia asked, tears trailing down her cheeks.

“Does any parent?” Principal Thomas questioned.

“No, but Noah has nothing, anymore. Everything’s gone and we can’t fix it, we can’t bring Stiles back.” Malia cried, “I phoned Mason and told him I was breaking the rules, Stiles’s rules. He’s going to release the second set of tapes to Noah, so he can choose if he uses them in the court cast against this school. Don’t worry, Stiles made a version that doesn’t mention the supernatural, but this school is not going to have a good reputation after this gets out. You supplied the thing that killed him.” She stood up, “We all killed him. That’s our problem.” She stormed out the office, Scott was stood outside, “How you doing?”

“Been better, you?” He asked, holding his arm up and wrapping it around her back, they both walked down the corridor.

“Me too, but we have each other, right?” She questioned.

“Always.” He answered.


End file.
